I have had a phase where I tried to be the cool girl, thanks to the cool girl archetype, who is naturally hot, smart, and funny. I was inspired. The cool girl, you know the kind of girl who never overanalyzes, overthinks, or overreacts. You said something mean? Well, they are just words!, words can’t hurt me because I don’t care. She doesn’t make a fuss or get emotional over petty things. She does not complain. She is fun-loving, raunchy and uninhibited. She never gets angry, she is not crazy. She is unbreakable, as tender as stone.
Above all and everything, she is hot, she doesn’t wear makeup or like pink, not too feminine you see, she is naturally beautiful even when she is wearing loose pajamas or baggy clothes. She is attractive, the kind of girl who is desired. Yes, the kind of girl I aspired to be, convinced that this would make my life easier and make me more desirable. I didn’t realize how morbidly right I was, how hard it is to pretend, how exhausting, I hated it.
Because the truth is not only the cool girl doesn’t exist, the idea of it comes out of deep-rooted misogyny that women are less desirable when they are being themselves, but more when they act like a man. To be the cool girl you must renounce your gender and separate yourself from stereotypical feminine characteristics, while also being flawless. If you happen to like pink or wear makeup, or you are someone who cares too much, you don’t lie in the spectrum of a cool girl. To be the cool girl you are not supposed to be like other girls.
She is the one who has those cool masculine attributes, but still manages to look like a supermodel. She does not have the emotional depth or insecurities that complicate women to men. While dating she plays hard, she is casual, does not have needs or expectations and doesn’t beg for commitment, deeming her the ideal women- the modern male fantasy.
This is not to say women don’t enjoy beer or sports, or whatever that men like but the irony is those same women are only defined by how hot they are at the end of it, like Megan Fox’s character in Transformers. If you happen to be unorganized or unserious and you are born unattractive by chance, you are just lazy, not cool.
The cool girl trope does not describe a woman as a whole person, She is just merely a bunch of attributes that men like. She is not a human, but a mere phantom, she does not engage in a full range of emotions, you know- as a healthy human tends to — she is someone who is boxed into narrow definitions of what she can be or what she should be.
It took me some time to realize that I wasn’t pretending to be the woman I wanted to be, but what society wanted me to be. That being cool wasn’t supposed to make my life easier, it was not empowering or liberating. Even if that made me desirable, I began to hate myself. It’s strange how growing up is mostly about learning to unlearn, I unlearned my need to be cool. I realized what is truly empowering when we stop living our life through somebody else’s lens, when we stop pretending who we are not but embrace our authentic self. That we should be loved and desired for who we are. That women can be whatever they want to be and still be cool.